So, the nurse starts her little interview with me. I don't remember most of the questions. I just remember having to answer them over and over again to that nurse, two other nurses and two of the doctors. I do remember laughing when she asked me if there was any domestic violence at home. She said that the laughing happens more often than I'd think. But, I told her my husband wasn't like that at all. She was great. She took the time to listen to me tell her all about the problems my ute had after I had M. (Side note: this is the same hospital that I went to before, so why none of this is on record is beyond me!)
Then, they moved me to one of the triage rooms. I had to put on a lovely hospital gown. It was freakin' cold in there, too. But, all I got was a thin sheet to put over me. I knew they had heated blankets somewhere and I was determined to get myself a few. So, I met my new nurse, Stacy. She was awesome. She asked me more questions. She also gave me the lowdown on the doctors on that night. There were two. One was a 4th year resident - we'll call him Dr. Chump. The other one was either an intern or a not so senior resident. We'll call him Dr. Cool. We'd had our experience with Dr. Chump before. Flashback to last June - I was screaming in pain, with about a dozen nurses around me trying to get IVs into me, take blood, get me comfortable, talk to me, etc. Dr. Chump comes in, sits down, crosses his legs and says "What seems to be the problem?" I refused to let him near my ute and DH yelled for him to get out of the room and that we wanted another doctor. Needless to say, we were not happy he was the senior resident on that night. We tried to explain to Stacy our dealings with him and she was very understanding. Apparently, we weren't the first to have issues with him.
So, we were very happy when Dr. Cool entered the room. He asked more questions. This is actually when I found out that I fell into the wall and hit my head. Rob was in the room while I was answering and gave his version of what happened. Poor guy. I could now see how scary it must have been from his point of view. So, Dr. Cool says that they are going to transport me to the ultrasound room and check everything out.
Once we got into the ultrasound room, Stacy and Dr. Cool were there. And, in walks Dr. Chump. I guess I was an educational case. He had to be there to supervise Dr. Cool's work. So, my bed (a.k.a. transformer bed) all of a sudden had the bottom drop out and stirups for my feet. It was actually pretty impressive, but still uncomfortable. Rob was able to stay with me when they did their exam. Dr. Chump spoke to us and told us that he would explain everything to us after they were done. I think he thought we weren't going to understand the big words he was going to use. So, in goes the speculum. Holy effing cow! I was in so much pain. I was grabbing onto the bed over my head so hard that later that day, I found that my wedding band had actually cut my finger. Rob was great. He tried to talk me through it. As much as he could. Then, they did that thing where they push the speculum in and down. I wanted to die. I couldn't control myself any more and just started sobbing out of pain. Up until that point, I'd hadn't felt any physical pain. When that was over, they did the internal ultrasound. That was much less physically painful. But, when I looked at the screen, Chump pointed out my uterus to Cool. I've seen enough u/s pics to know what I'm looking for. I started sobbing again because there was nothing in it. Chump was saying something about "no gestational sac" but I already knew. By the time the u/s was over and Chump started to explain everything, I knew my baby was gone. Rob was practically on top of me trying to hug me and comfort me. (Did I ever tell you that I have the best husband in the world?) But, all I could do was sob uncontrollably. They gave us a few minutes alone.
We didn't talk much in that time. We just held onto each other trying to absorb what was happening. Deep down, we both knew when we were at home that the baby was gone. But, seeing it on the screen and being told as much by Chump was excruciating.
So, Dr. Cool came back in with Stacy and explained what they wanted to do. They wanted to give me some medication that would force the stuff (clots, blood, tissue) out of my uterus within the next hour. If they could get most of it, I wouldn't have to have a D&C. So, they gave me 4 pills. That I had to put in my cheeks to dissolve. Blech! They tasted like, well, pills. The bitter, gag-me type of taste that you get if you don't swallow a pill fast enough. Blech! But, there I was. Sitting in the u/s room, with my ute draining onto the bed pad they'd put under me. (I hated the draining by the way. It's such an awful feeling. Blech - again!)
I tried to lay down and get a little sleep. At this point it was somewhere between 4 and 5am. I was so tired and emotionally drained. So, Rob played games on my iPhone and I tried to sleep. It didn't really work, but I got to close my eyes for a little bit.
Chump and Cool came back in. They did a quick check and decided that my ute was not cooperating with the plans. They were going to page my doctor for a D&C. They said I'd be in the OR within a half hour. It was now about 6am. Everything happened so fast after that. They transferred me to a gurney, let me kiss Rob and brought me up to the OR. I met up with the anesthesiologist, Pete, who told me that he would give me the equivalent of 4 martinis. I told him that I would take him up on that! But, I wanted french martinis made with Stoli Vanilla. Apparently, this made him laugh and he told everyone about our discussion of martini choices as we were getting ready. Then, I was out.
I woke up briefly while still in the OR. They were done with me and I saw the clock on the wall said 6:55am. I said something about the martinis. I think I actually said to Pete that he's a rockin' bartender. I was so loopy. And, in no pain whatsoever. They brought me to recovery. I woke up really quickly from it all and was on my way out to see Rob and get in the car by 8am.
The one issue that we had was that the doctor never actually talked to Rob afterwards to tell him what happened. He found out that I was okay when the nurse came to get him so he could get the car. He called to talk to the doctor later that day, while I was napping.
So, that was our experience with the hospital. I guess I should be thankful that from start to finish, it was about 7 hours. While the miscarriage was somewhat violent and quick, I count my blessings that it wasn't drawn out over the course of a few days. I'm not a patient person and I give so much credit to those that have to experience a miscarriage that way.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
The beginning - part one
I suck at blogging. I figured I'd get that out there right up front. If you are going to follow this blog, don't be afraid to let me know that I'm a slacker. I think that I'll have a lot to say for a while, though.
On February 25, 2009, I lost my baby. I haven't really written about how it happened, so I thought I'd start there. We were at a college basketball game about two hours away on Tuesday night (2/24). My mom had come up to stay with M so we didn't have to take him on the trip. We got home about 11:30 and I went right to bed. I was tired, but Rob wasn't. He stayed up for a bit. I don't remember him coming to bed, although he said he came up around 12:30am.
At around 1:30, I woke up. I wasn't in any pain but for some reason, I felt like I'd wet the bed. I thought it must be just a dream, since I hadn't wet the bed since I was probably 8. I got up to go to the bathroom nonetheless. For some reason, I knew something was wrong. I got to the toilet and all hell broke loose. I lost clots and clots and clots. My pajama bottoms were blood soaked. I called for Rob and warned him about what he was going to see when he came in. He was great. I was a mess. I kept saying "I lost our baby, I lost our baby."
It all happened very quickly. At some point, I tried to get up. I don't remember what happened after that. Rob says that I stood up, and fell into the wall in between the toilet and sink vanity. I tripped over the scale that was there and he caught me and put me on the floor. After passing out, I remember coming to lying on the cold floor saying I was going to throw up. Rob flushed the toilet and started to try to get me up. I remember very clearly the toilet flushing. That's the moment when I thought that my baby had been flushed. I was so heartbroken. After I sat up, Rob ran to our guest room to get my mom. I was now conscious. Rob picked me up and brought me back to the toilet.
I remember him getting a towel and cleaning the floor where I was lying. There was a small pool of blood. At this point, I went into supergirl mode. Somehow I started ordering mom and Rob around. I told Rob to get me some underwear. And, I told my mother to get a pad out from under the sink. As she did that, I rattled off the number to my doctor's to Rob. (How I remembered it at 1:45am, I'll never know.) I sent Rob into M's room to find one of the leftover newborn diapers. (When I hemorrhaged after having him, I wore one of his diapers to the hospital because no pad could contain what was coming out of me. I was afraid this was going to be it again.) I put the diaper on top of the pad. Rob got me some sweats and a bra. The doctor called back almost right away. He gave me the option of waiting it out at home or going to the hospital. I told him that we were going in. Rob and I had already talked about this. No way were we going to take our chances since I nearly had a hysterectomy the last time I'd bled like this. One of them put my shoes on for me and by the time we got on the road, I was fully awake and talking to Rob.
It took about 20 minutes to get to the hospital. We left the house at 2:12 and got there at 2:35am. I wasn't in any pain, which was welcome. I knew that my emotional pain was going to be far worse than any physical pain I could experience anyway. The hospital doesn't actually have an emergency room. It's a triage. I went in and Rob registered me while I went behind the desk and the nurse asked me all sorts of questions. Little did I know, I'd be answering the same questions over and over for the next few hours.
I'll have to finish the hospital stuff later. This is harder to write than I thought it would be.
On February 25, 2009, I lost my baby. I haven't really written about how it happened, so I thought I'd start there. We were at a college basketball game about two hours away on Tuesday night (2/24). My mom had come up to stay with M so we didn't have to take him on the trip. We got home about 11:30 and I went right to bed. I was tired, but Rob wasn't. He stayed up for a bit. I don't remember him coming to bed, although he said he came up around 12:30am.
At around 1:30, I woke up. I wasn't in any pain but for some reason, I felt like I'd wet the bed. I thought it must be just a dream, since I hadn't wet the bed since I was probably 8. I got up to go to the bathroom nonetheless. For some reason, I knew something was wrong. I got to the toilet and all hell broke loose. I lost clots and clots and clots. My pajama bottoms were blood soaked. I called for Rob and warned him about what he was going to see when he came in. He was great. I was a mess. I kept saying "I lost our baby, I lost our baby."
It all happened very quickly. At some point, I tried to get up. I don't remember what happened after that. Rob says that I stood up, and fell into the wall in between the toilet and sink vanity. I tripped over the scale that was there and he caught me and put me on the floor. After passing out, I remember coming to lying on the cold floor saying I was going to throw up. Rob flushed the toilet and started to try to get me up. I remember very clearly the toilet flushing. That's the moment when I thought that my baby had been flushed. I was so heartbroken. After I sat up, Rob ran to our guest room to get my mom. I was now conscious. Rob picked me up and brought me back to the toilet.
I remember him getting a towel and cleaning the floor where I was lying. There was a small pool of blood. At this point, I went into supergirl mode. Somehow I started ordering mom and Rob around. I told Rob to get me some underwear. And, I told my mother to get a pad out from under the sink. As she did that, I rattled off the number to my doctor's to Rob. (How I remembered it at 1:45am, I'll never know.) I sent Rob into M's room to find one of the leftover newborn diapers. (When I hemorrhaged after having him, I wore one of his diapers to the hospital because no pad could contain what was coming out of me. I was afraid this was going to be it again.) I put the diaper on top of the pad. Rob got me some sweats and a bra. The doctor called back almost right away. He gave me the option of waiting it out at home or going to the hospital. I told him that we were going in. Rob and I had already talked about this. No way were we going to take our chances since I nearly had a hysterectomy the last time I'd bled like this. One of them put my shoes on for me and by the time we got on the road, I was fully awake and talking to Rob.
It took about 20 minutes to get to the hospital. We left the house at 2:12 and got there at 2:35am. I wasn't in any pain, which was welcome. I knew that my emotional pain was going to be far worse than any physical pain I could experience anyway. The hospital doesn't actually have an emergency room. It's a triage. I went in and Rob registered me while I went behind the desk and the nurse asked me all sorts of questions. Little did I know, I'd be answering the same questions over and over for the next few hours.
I'll have to finish the hospital stuff later. This is harder to write than I thought it would be.
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